Real And Hard, Good And Sweet

Today was kinda hard. I have kinda neglected to remind myself that clothes aren't going to fit properly while I'm still in this process. The other day when I went to try on new bathing suits, I picked up a couple of sizes to try on. The first one was the size smaller than the my original size and the other was two sizes smaller. The first suit was a smidge big and  the second suit was a smidge small, but not bad. I went with the second suit because I knew that I was still losing and the other suit was already a little big. Well today when I put it on at the gym, I kinda forgot that it was smaller than my last suit for some reason. I knew it was, but for some reason it was hard. I didn't like how I felt, I was uncomfortable and self-conscious. I think it's because I was feeling real good in the "big clothes". It's hard to know that I'm working so hard, but I've got so much more to go. I just wish it was as easy to lose as it is gain. This process would be a lot easier physically and emotionally. Also, as I was walking out of the locker room today, I passed the weight room just as all the high school guys were arriving after school and this one kid says to his friend "I weigh 147. Why is it so hard to gain weight? I want get to 150 like now." Seriously kid?!?! I'll give you some of my weight. And I want to get to 150 like now too. I talked to my friend Lindsay today and she was definitely encouraging in this. I'm feeling better now.

So my best friend and sister, Sara, last night sweetly requested something last night. I think her exact words were: "I demand to see pictures of your new bathing suit and not just your old bathing suit!" Said in a total joking manner, of course. So here are some pictures for you, S!

 Bathing suit on the left is the old one.

The one on the right is the new one.

 I bought new swim caps and goggles as well. All latex free

which is perfect for me! Love the latex free products!

On a brighter note, I've known for a week or two exactly what I wanted for my reward for losing 20 pounds. There's a very small handful of tv shows that I LOVE. I LOVE the show Friends. It's my favorite show - hands down. I own all 10 seasons on DVD. Well, there's another show that I recently watched the whole way through and quickly grew to love. And that show is Friday Night Lights. So for my 20lb reward, I treated myself to the first season on DVD!

I will start watching season 1 tonight! Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

All in.